Tuesday, 13 September 2011

Fags Mags and Bags

Right. For anyone that doesn't know, I cowrite and star in a Radio 4 comedy called Fags Mags and Bags which is entirely set in a small-to-medium retail establishment ie newsagents in Lenzie ie Lenzie. It's won some awards and hasn't won some other awards.  Radio 4 are currently airing the third series at 630pm on Tues nights, and the third episode goes out tonight. It's called The Wrath of Khan and will feature the violent death of a cast member. At tea time. It also features the introduction to faux-Lenzie of the wonderful Greg "Gary Tank Commander" McHugh - he plays local psychic Keith Futures. Sadly, this series was also one of the last things that Gerard Kelly did - he was a regular cast member, playing Father Henderson, a priest who knows more about Babylon 5 than he does about the wife of Job etc. His take on "the priesty from the easty" is an utter joy. If nothing else, tune in tonight to hear if there is any possible context that could render the following speakwords palatable:

"You’re mental. You got a birthday cake for a stick"
"Can you buy a Glade Plug-in at a climbing wall? No!"
"Can you buy a witch’s hat at Kwikfit? I’m not even going to dignify that with a ‘no’"
"I know you are a huminge being. I have sold you pan scourers that were not from beyond the grave"
"People always surprise you. Florence Nightingale came through one night and she was very sarcastic"
"I like to know who I’m dealing with so I’ve got a wee webcam in there between John the Baptist’s eyes"
"These tennis racquets could never be used meaningfully by Vitas Gerulaitis at al!"
"It’s mainly shuttlecocks. How heavy could it be?"
"Lineker was never meant to be in the front shop! He doesn’t have the gravitas!"
"I noticed a Bella, a Dr Who magazine and a Sarah Lancashire’s World of Owls"
"Stop saying spectrum"

If you likee likee likee, feel free to join our Facebook page or indeed download series 1, which is available on AudioGo.

In short - Fags Mags and Bags, tonight (13th Sep) 630pm Radio 4.  You're welcome.

Monday, 12 September 2011

Hallo cheeky

Yes I mean you. Hello cheeky. I'm Sanjeev Kohli. Not the Sanjeev Kohli who composes music for Bollywood films. Not the Sanjeev Kohli who is logistics director at the bizarrely gangster-themed Untouchables home furnishings centre. No. I'm the other Sanjeev Kohli. Navid out of Still Game. Synthesiser Patel out of Look Around You. Synthesizer Patel out of Look Around You. (this doesn't mean that I size synths. I am merely trying to appeal to an American market. Apparently Matt Goss is v popular over there and I suspect we have a largely overlapping demographic). And I am also the co-writer and co-star (along with Donny Mcleary) of the Radio 4 comedy Fags Mags and Bags whose third series is currently getting a re-run, (630pm, Radio 4, Tues nights, seeing as you didn't ask). Why am I writing a blog? Well I feel there aren't nearly enough bloggers out there. In the same way that there aren't nearly enough zumba classes out there. Or cupcakes. Also, I find myself bursting with idiocy but without an outlet. My documentary Hitler's Dentist was all set for the green go-ahead until Channel 5 suddenly changed their commissioning strategy. My band A Wasp With A Sword haven't even been invited to the Take-A-Break stage at Glastonbury. And of course my plans for the jouging-up of Ground Zero were famously rejected at quite a late stage. (What exactly was wrong with a huge ceramic fucking owl?) In short, it would seem Mr Internet may well be my only the only medium to allow me to use its spare room. Even my own parents have taken down my Strawberry Switchblade posters and converted my old room into a panic room. I say panic room - all they've done is nail ten Bullworkers to the wall. 
So here I am. This is where I live now. I have been known to tweet occasionally, and there is a Fags Mags and Bags Facebook page, but if you're after some undiluted unusually pure Sanj then this is the place to find it. Arbritrary thoughts, observations, maybe even a song or two. Let me kick things off by saying that I will be doing a DJ set at Glasgow's Criterion bar this Friday (16th Sept). I say DJ set - I will be sat next to a generic MP3 player with a quivering finger. Cross-fading will be conspicuous by its absence. And you'll be getting an eclectic mix running the gamut from late 1920s hip-hop to the latest demos from Coventry's burgeoning jabba scene. (What is jabba? Think of a heavier version of denkstyle and you're a third of the way there) Either that or I'll just play No Parlez by Paul Young start to finish. Totally up to me. I'M IN CHARGE. No requests.

Thankyou for listening.